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Did you ever imagine that meeting in bars and nightclubs would become a thing of the past?

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To attract women, you must be able to take their point of view and think of them not as marketing vehicles to objectify, but as living, thinking, feeling individual humans. You have to subjectify them: accept, understand and acknowledge their individual, subjective consciousness. Think about the anxiety that internal contradiction could create on a daily basis. Nervous, worried, scared, guarded, self-conscious and vulnerable?

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A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane, and ill-advised. Any one of those is equally likely.

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This is totally wrong. It will help you have better dates, cooler conversations and hotter sex. This is not some idle, irrelevant statistic. Think about how weird that whole situation is: to be sexually attracted to beings that could so easily do irreparable physical harm to you. This is their experience not just at bars and clubs, but at school and work, on the street and the subway.

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All of which make each random encounter with a man less likely to end in love and more likely to end with a fight-or-flight response. Cops spend 90 percent of their time dealing with the scummiest 5 percent of humanity. If you want to be successful in modern mating, the more you understand this, the better you can deliver what women love while eliminating what they fear. Most of you guys are solid dudes.

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You need to understand how women evaluate your qualities and how they perceive the status, danger, opportunities and threats that you could present. Some of them are really lame and unattractive and make crude, ham-fisted passes at you.

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Even if she accepts those sex differences, she still has to wrangle with the fact that many mental illnesses and personality disorders are more common among men the more dangerous ones, no less. She Is Tired of Being Objectified, So Subjectify Her Instead Go to a sports bar in any major city or college town on game day, and invariably you will run into a crew of gorgeous young women in skin-tight, cutoff referee outfits or school jerseys walking around, selling shot specials or beer buckets.

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When a man interacts with a woman, his greatest fear is sexual rejection and humiliation. It will help you to stop acting like a self-sabotaging dick. Rather, when a woman interacts with a man, she is afraid of being physically harmed or sexually assaulted. And it works. Any one of them could grab you, carry you out of the bar and put who knows what God knows where, and there is little you could do to stop them.

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Some are even kind of angry and mean. Some of them are really interesting and fun; they do amazing things with their lives and seem to really be into you. She has to evaluate you herself. Not when it comes to sex and dating and women, anyway.

Some are awkward and annoying. It will help you avoid and resolve arguments, saving you hours of grief. We cannot emphasize this enough: m ating success requires cross-sex insight. The guy who seems like the most egotistical player in the bar is also the one making you laugh so hard that your ribs hurt.

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Simply put, her experience is that the worst guys come straight at her while the best guys are nowhere to be seen. How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there Bend no greater threat to women than men? She can smell your over-practiced pick-up artists tricks from a mile away. For some of you freaks, especially including them. Likewise, women spend a big proportion of their time in the mating market avoiding the small percentage of guys who are the most intrusive, obnoxious or insane.

When you walk in, you encounter an overwhelming sea of men. Psychological and environmental factors explain much of this perspective. For women who are on the more anxious and delicate side, think about the raw physical courage it must take just to go out and meet men. Even more terrifying is the fact that, over the course of her life, the biggest threats to her are men she knows. They hook all bigger, stronger, fastest and hornier than you. There are almost too many other types of men who do things women find repulsive to name them all.

Their he all swivel toward you, and their eyes look you up and down like sexual Terminators. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. With That The average guy finds the average woman at least somewhat sexually attractive.

The problem from a mating perspective besides the obvious ethical one is that normal women feel this objectification acutely. This is the world of sex and dating for women. Men stare at them, leer at them, make crude passes at them, and interact with them all day every day, with sex clearly the subtext of every interaction—even the briefest, most innocuous non-mating exchanges. This is only the beginning of the harms she potentially faces at your hands. We have been working with young single men in our capacities as educators, public figures and authors for more than 30 years.

If you can for those differences, you will be well on your way to increased success because most men spend zero time thinking about this. Most dating advice to guys fails at this first hurdle. How would with feel in this situation? On the one hand, the media have established an unrealistic expectation of beauty for them to live up to, and girl makes them insecure.

Why does this matter?

Guys, here’s what it’s actually like to be a woman

Yes, they are still big and intimidating, but they want to buy you drinks and pay you compliments. The overwhelming majority of women that suffer physical or sexual assault suffer it at the hands of a man they know intimately.

And this is what it is like for women every day, in every social situation, with straight guys just like you. Some of the same male traits that frighten you the most also seem to be the most attractive to you.

As a man, it is impossible to be better at mating until you understand the subjective experience of a woman, because it is fundamentally different than yours in many ways. To women! All of them shamelessly use beautiful, scantily clad women with big boobs, tight asses and long legs as the vehicles to deliver their message. Socially, you can spread lies about her or damage her reputation with men and womensometimes just by being associated with her.

These guys are all as tall as NBA players, as muscular as NFL linebackers and as sexually aggressive as a felon on his first night out of jail. You are probably perfectly safe. But lo and behold, some of them are actually pretty intriguing. You can pretend you love her, get her pregnant and then abandon her. By contrast, the average woman finds the average man sexually invisible, neutral, disgusting or repulsive. Think about it. Women are totally different. In these interactions, they are not much afraid of rejection. To be clear: the insights in this chapter are not a collection of opinions and moralizing lessons.

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All of these guys are very unappealing. And it will also help your relationships with your mom, sisters, daughters, female friends and co-workers. The guys who pose the greatest physical threat are also the same guys you can envision making you feel the safest. They have that sublime masculine energy that is very appealing. Women are surrounded by bigger, stronger, faster men who probably want to have sex with them and could take it by force.

And believe us when we say that, from her perspective, they make up a high proportion of men—especially the ones likely to hit on her in inappropriate ways, places and times. The differences start from the very beginning, at our deepest primal levels.

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These male-dominated disorders include alcoholism, drug addiction, autism, schizophrenia, narcissism, white-collar sociopathy and criminal psychopathy. Your face and body are leaking all kinds of cues about your sexual experience, self-confidence and personality—and she can see it all in one glance.

This is how everything, not just liquor, is sold to men—hand tools, shampoo, Doritos, porn, cars. And yet, here we are. This causes him to spend as much time and energy if not more on defensive strategies to protect against rejection as he does on mating strategies to attract women.

You are a man, and women like men; turning into a woman would make you less attractive to most women. She had to develop it after putting up with so much shit from lame guys hitting on her, catcalling, sexually harassing and potentially even stalking her.